A love/hate relationship with yoga

One of the websites I go to almost every single day without fail is Wanderlust. Several years ago they brought an outdoor yoga event to Dallas; I went with a friend (and then co-worker), as it was walking distance from our building at that time. It was only the second time I had done yoga outdoors, and it was amazing. I’ve kept up with Wanderlust over the years, but now it’s an all out obsession. They have studios in LA and Austin, both of which I’d love to visit at some point. And they host these huge, fabulous yoga festivals all around the world.

One of their first posts of the year encouraged followers to set intentions for 2016, as opposed to resolutions. We often give up on our resolutions, or just flat out fail at them, which leads to disappointment and dejection. I am the self-appointed queen at beating myself up anyway, so this sounded like a great idea!

My first intention: more yoga, please. I love yoga. But also, I sometimes really hate yoga. I leave some classes very frustrated. Frustrated I can’t do some poses well at ALL or ridiculously pissed off I can’t do others as well as I could three years ago. This, I am fully aware, is not the point of yoga. After all, it’s called a practice for a reason. And letting go is a huge part of that practice, which is clearly not my forté.

I bring up three years ago, as it was the summer I famously played Real Housewife of Dallas. I was floating on severance after the company for which I worked sold and at that time, thought I had a lucrative job lined up (it later fell through, so tragic). A girlfriend and I went to yoga three to four times a week. It was glorious. And these were not easy classes. There were plenty of poses I couldn’t do because of my ankle (and all its metal) and the fact I have very little upper body strength. I have a better chance of marrying Jake Gyllenhaal than I do of ever performing a successful crow pose. But still, I was in great yoga shape for me, personally.

I had to stop going when real unemployment started and yoga at home isn’t an option thanks to the “assistance” of multiple four-legged children. So, long story longer, my yoga practice went down the drain.

I’ve done a handful of classes since then, nothing consistent. When I started using Class Pass I began going more. Over the past few weeks I have gone to multiple studios, all of which I love for different reasons, but I’ve had two instructors at City Yoga, Christina and Tanya, who have reignited the love part of my love/hate relationship with yoga. Christina’s class, although challenging, left me feeling like I had just got a message. No lie. And Tanya, little did she know, made me feel so much better not just about my yoga practice, but also myself. I know my limits well when it comes to my body, my ankle and hip (an issue I was born with) especially. I have often pushed these limits out of fear of what the instructor or others in class think of me. But if they’re on that mat for genuine reasons, they aren’t actually judging me. It’s all in my head. Anyhow, after Tanya’s class, she and I were talking and per usual I was feeling like a failure for taking child’s pose during positions I know I can’t do. She then told me she actually wished more people would do exactly what I did and wanted to come over and tell me good job for it during class. Friends, that made my whole day. And the sun wasn’t even up yet.

That was just two weeks ago. And this past week I have gone to yoga four times. I am by no means good at it. The last two classes have been very challenging and I’ve had to get out of my own head about it. And I will keep going.

I have made myself a huge promise. If I keep up the good work (and by good, I mean consistent), the yet  to be determined trip I want to take this year will be to a Wanderlust fest. Not sure when and which one, though I have my eye on Whistler or Tremblant (Oh Canada), but that’s my plan. And I love a good plan.

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