Throwback Thursday: “what might have been” from Crazy Lil Sports Lady

romo_eaglesIf I had, let’s say, a thousand dollars for every time someone has asked me why I gave up my sports blog I would be well on my way to finding a 21 year-old to adopt as his Sugar Mama. I also have no doubt that if I’d kept up with that blog consistently I would be making some nice cash off it by now. But, as we all know, life happens. I moved back to Texas, got a new job that sucked a lot of life out of me and well, you know the rest. And I’ll be very honest, the Cowboys continued demise undoubtedly contributed the greatest effort to bursting my lovely little sports blog balloon. Cause they friggin suck.

Having said that, loving sports is a big part of who I am and what makes me happy…for the most part. I still have access to most of my posts, not all; I lost a lot when I let one of my accounts go (I can’t think about that right now…). I have many girlfriends who are huge, legitimate fans of various sports and well, Dallas is in the title of this blog. And Dallas loves its teams. Until they fall below .500. Funny how the Stars got REAL popular again last season, huh? #judging

I already have one previous sports related posted, Ladies who love their hockey, a somewhat condensed version of a series of posts from Crazy Lil Sports Lady about my most favorite hockey memories. Basically it’s a dramedy covering my years as an amateur stalker. Good times. So in honor of Throwback Thursday and in effort to keep CLSL alive on some level, below is a post from January 2009. How much I knew about the Cowboys then shocks even me. I am saddened by how much I’ve lost that loving feeling. But it’s also quite humorous to see, these five and a half years later, how very little has changed. Jerry Jones is the physical embodiment of insanity. A few weeks ago I was at AT&T Stadium for the final George Strait concert, to get to our seats we had to pass under Jerry’s suite…and there he was. There was a LINE of stupidity waiting to speak to him and kiss the ring. I wanted to vomit my nachos (but they cost too much). I said – out loud – that is the last human being in this entire stadium of 104,000 people I want to talk to. At which point a young lad of about 19 yelled out, “SEE? That’s how I feel, Dad! Why would I want to go up there?” Good kid, that one.

Jerry is just…awful. He is hosting the freaking ACMs at his stadium next year and we’ve had the Super Bowl, the Final Four, the King of Country’s farewell show and more high-profile events than I can personally name. And despite continuous mediocre seasons, you idiots STILL continue to sell out that place for games. He has absolutely no financial motivation for building a better team. And the voices inside his head still tell him Tony Romo is all we need. As morbid as this is going to sound, the Cowboys will amount to a burning bag of dog poo until the day he kicks the bucket. Last year I inquired on Facebook as to the health he is in, like, do we have an estimation of how many years he has left? A friend commented “you’re going to feel really bad when he croaks tomorrow.” Um, no, no I’m not. And all of Dallas would have thanked me copiously. But who am I kidding, the apocalypse could hit and all that would be left would be Twinkies, cockroaches and Jerry Jones.

Alas, here were my thoughts from the end of the 2008 season, after we had been destroyed in Philadelphia. Looking back and remembering the very next season was the closest we’ve come in recent history to being amazing kinda gives me the faint regret of a Friday night full of bad decisions.

PS I still stay Dammit Flozell for every penalty. Cause it’s FUN.

January 2009, Los Angeles

(2014 note: at the time I wrote this I worked for the company that broadcasted the 2009 BCS Championship Game in movie theaters in live 3-D, still one of my most favorite career memories, despite the fact OU was one of the teams involved…)

I just got of air with KARN in Little Rock to discuss our broadcast of the FedEx BCS National Championship Game in LIVE 3-D next week. I was a little nervous because they brought me on to discuss the sports part as opposed to the technical details, which my boss was on the line for. They let me go off about how painful it is to be working on an OU game, that was sweet of them. This is all RIDICULOUSLY EXCITING! I’ve worked my ass off for two weeks now, till midnight some nights, on the treadmill in the mornings, I’ve even learned how to work in my sleep. Yesterday I was asked to add a few of the guys from Kissing Suzie Kolber to the guest list at one theatre and because I’m a nerd, that got me a little excited.

I suppose I can’t avoid talking about this any longer; I’m sure you’ve been waiting on extra painful pins and needles for this…so I shall come to Jesus with what a dismal and disappointing season this has been as a die-hard Cowboys fan. I ain’t gonna lie to you, it f*cking sucks. Back in September, I would’ve put big money on a Cowboys/Chargers Super Bowl. Thank God I’m not actually a betting sorta lady (I stick to the nickel slots if I actually stop drinking long enough to gamble in The Vegas).

As much as I love the Cowboys, they disgust me right now and more than deserved to be stripped down and humiliated against the Eagles. I am not going to be a fan who makes excuses or denies how horrific the situation is. They didn’t show up, they have no heart nor balls. I sat there and watched every single excruciating moment of that game. A game that hurt me for SO many reasons. I couldn’t even muster up the strength to say out loud “if they show Dawkins doing that wretched Fly Eagles Fly dance one more time, I swear I will fly to Philly and personally shove a football down his throat and pull it out his ass.” (I hope my dad isn’t reading this…) One of my guy friends kept asking me why I was still watching, it was because I just couldn’t stop. I had to know it was real, that yes, it was possible for them to allow it to get worse and worse. That MB3 fumble for a TD was an extremely sharp knife to my heart, but by that point I’d stopped feeling anything.

I would like to think the hell they’ve got themselves into will force drastic changes. But because Wade is Jerry’s little bitch, it ain’t gonna happen. As discussed with my friends and my father, this just screams too loudly of Cowboys history. Barry ruined the team that Jimmy built. Wade has ruined the team that Bill built. The only difference is at least we brought a trophy home under Barry before it all went to shit. I am not saying Wade is a bad coach, but he belongs on a very different sort of team. We need someone to come in with goddamn whips and chains (and not the fun fuzzy kind). And I call major shenanigans on “Wade is going to toughen up.” Right…and my New Year’s Resolution is to give up alcohol.

As for the men (if that’s what you want to call them) on the field – Pac is a waste of space. He was insignificant on the field for the games he actually played. But he actually hurt us several times in Philadelphia. Hurt us off the field, shame on you. Hurt us on the field, shame on us and here’s a plane ticket up out of Dallas. TO is a waste of emotional energy. We do not need him. When he’s good he’s good, but when he’s bad he’s awful and takes no responsibility. Kicking his mouth out will be a ginormous first step to fixing that locker room and building an actual TEAM. We have three young wideouts who with more field time have the potential to become amazing (and no, I’m not just saying that because I would have Austin’s babies). In addition, even though I think he has a lot to think about and work on, Romo will be a better QB without TO. Fix the offensive line. You have one of the best running backs in the NFL and he can’t run. That sirs, is a problem. Ditch Flozell. The penalties are out of control and he’s a big reason. This isn’t rocket science. And as much of a beast as he is, as amazing as he is, Ware can’t do it all. But James and Ratliff give us hope on D. And hope of any sort is good. Last but not least, find some passion. We, the fans, never lost it…but you, the players, did. Even though Bradie James may not show up to peoples’ offices and tell them how to do their jobs, you are professional athletes and by all means ARE accountable to us because we pay EVERY PENNY of your salaries.

Many a times I’ve thought to myself, well, we could be the Lions. I’m optimistic enough to know that Jerry will never let us go 0-16. But what’s the difference right now between taking a 13-3 team that was expected to win the Super Bowl (btw, expectations are crap), letting them implode and miss the playoffs versus just being a winless mess? The heartbreak is just the same.

However, I REFUSE to end this sounding like a crybaby, cause it’s now all in the past…it’s 2009, bitches! Happy New Year from CLSL! Hope you brought in the new year as well and as wasted as me.

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